So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
