and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
