We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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