Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
