in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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