I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
