when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
