i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
