What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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