Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
