All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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