Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I love having hate sex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
