Already got asked if we're dating
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
