My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
