I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
