Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
