I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
