is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
