He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
