hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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