Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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