You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
