I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
