your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
