i don't plan on having that self control this summer
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
