Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
