I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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