Kiss
Puke
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
