As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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