Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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