Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
