I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
