The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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