he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
