We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
