so explain again why im purple
no
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
