Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
