$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
