Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
