Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wakey wakey hands off snakey
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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