Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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