Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
