Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
