he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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