check it out our google latitudes are spooning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
