I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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