how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
