how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
