On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
