You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
