i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
