Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
